Weighing up the risks

I have been in hospital since Monday morning. (My first ever trip in an ambulance).

I have appendicitis. I have been in incredible pain since Saturday morning. Normally I would have had my appendix out days ago. I’m a complicated case. Taking Ng out my appendix is a risk of damage to other organs.

The dr keeps telling me every day that my blood tests show I am getting better with antibiotics. I keep telling him I am not getting any better. The pain is still just as bad.

Another Dr has just gone to look at the scan I had earlier. Hopefully they can then come up with a plan.

The sun came out today.

All through May we have had lots of rain and not much sun. For many of us we still have our heating on. After all my excitement at getting our washing line put in 10 days ago, I have not been able to use it yet.

Today the sun has been out. It has been our first warm day. I actually went out without a coat/jacket. I have seen photos of friends enjoying a drink in the sunshine. Others have been on lovely walks in the sun.

My views today have been from hospital windows. Today was the day for my colonoscopy. Yesterday l spent the day drinking 4 litres of klean prep to clear my body out. ( No food after 8am and that was only rice crispies.) My day was spent in the bedroom so I could be close to the bathroom.

This morning I subjected myself to the hospital staff. I must say that I had a very kind gentle Portuguese male nurse looking after me. He was so considerate of my feelings and comfort when he needed to insert a cannula. I had told him of my needle phobia. He took the time smoothing my hands and arms to find the best vein he could. Apparently my veins were very wobbly.

He promised me that he would only make one attempt to get the needle into me. It did take time before he finally pierced my skin. Success first time. It was then time to don the non flattering gown and paper knickers.

A few minutes later I was in the room where the procedure was taking place. I remember getting into position on the bed and a sedative being put through the cannula. I was aware of being wheeled into the recovery room.

As usual after an aesthetic I was being sick. I was informed that my ride would be here at 11.30. I asked what time it was now. 11.15. ( no way would I be ready in 15 minutes). I let him know to come back in an hour.

After all that it seems that my fickle body has yet again come up short. This is not the first time I have had an invasive investigation that couldn’t be completed.

“Procedure limited by benign stricture” Further investigations required.

Next step is for a CT scan. Oh great joys. I don’t mind these but it usually involves having another cannula.

Being unfamiliar with this hospital it didn’t help that there is construction work being carried out which made finding the drop off and collection point difficult to find. I was dropped off at the wrong side of the hospital. I was being collected from the same place. This meant that I had a long walk going to and from my treatment. A very kind make nurse carried my bag walking me back to the pick up point only to discover that my lift had managed to find the main entrance after all. More walking followed. I was so relieved to finally find my car. 2800 steps isn’t much but right now to me that was a huge effort.

Having left home at 8am I was back home at 2pm and went back to bed. Having had a deep sleep I returned to the land of the living just before 5pm. I am now starving, my stomach is rumbling. I shall be ordering a take away to be delivered tonight. Do I opt for chips or Chinese?

Tomorrow is another day. At least I can put today behind me and know that I won’t be going through that again.

I am hoping that tomorrow I shall be able to go out in the garden to soak up some 🌞

FEAR

I have recently been following The Hot Goddess. In truth she started following me first. The last post I read was about fear. It got me thinking about fear too. She talked about her fear of heights and her drive along a road in Montana that scared the life out of her, it reminded me of the trip I made on my honeymoon with second husband. Here

I personally don’t have a fear of heights but that doesn’t mean I am not fearless in certain situations. I really don’t think I would be able to go on any of those glass walkways at various landmarks. I don’t take risks, I will look over the side of a cliff but from a safe distance. I do have a fear of rodents of any kind, yet I am fine with spiders.

Are you aware that there are two very different definitions of FEAR.

Forget Everything And Run which I guess is the more common reaction to fear.

Then there is

Face Everything And Rise

I do try to go with the second definition but that doesn’t always work. For many years I would do anything to avoid rollercoasters. After I recovered from my /cancer treatment I decided that I needed to learn to live life not just let life pass me by. On a trip to Belgium with my #2 son’s football team I went on my first rollercoaster at a water park we visited. I actually enjoyed that.

Being an introvert it is not easy for me to approach strangers. Joining Avon has helped me with that. I can’t always do it but I am getting better at talking to people I don’t know. Either to ask if they would be interested in becoming a customer or a Rep or just for a chat about anything.

In 2019 my #2 son was getting married and asked me to do a reading at the wedding. I’m ok talking to 2 or 3 people but a gathering of 6 or more leaves me feeling extremely red in the face with my eyes watering. It really isn’t something I enjoy. So imagine how I felt being asked to read to 100+ people mostly strangers to me. I did it though and I am very proud of myself.

More recently I had to face my fears on medical grounds. I was facing major surgery which terrified me. It wasn’t the operation that scared me but the waking up and recovery together with the change in my life that was that I feared. Each time I was given a date for surgery I bravely psyched myself up it was cancelled. Third time lucky. I tried not to think about it until I had no choice. I just had to get on with it. Last week I had to face my fear of needles. I kept myself busy until half an hour before my appointment. What made it worse for me was that on arrival I had to join a long queue. If I could have just gone straight in and got it over with that would have helped. However I held on to my courage and gradually moved ever nearer to the dreaded needle.

What has you trembling with fear? Do you face it or do you run?

Needles

For months now during this pandemic the news has been full of vaccines. Whether it is about which vaccines have been approved, how many have been administered or the different priority groups. Lately it has also been about Britain versus EU vaccine availability. I’m sick of it!

It isn’t so much the news that I’m sick of but the images shown on tv.

You see for me watching the news has become a thing of torture. I know I am not alone in this. I have a needle phobia. I don’t mind the talk about immunisations. It is the many many images of needles going into arms. Why do politicians and journalists even have to say ‘jabs into arms’? Why can’t they talk about vaccinations without saying it that way. Why do they insist on showing film of needle going into arms. It just isn’t necessary.

I’ve had enough, we all know what a vaccine looks like. We all know that it involves a needle. Over the years I have had many many needles in my arms and hands. That’s ok, so long as I don’t have to do it or even look.

Please please can they stop showing it. just talk about it don’t show and and don’t call it jabs in arms.