I couldn’t do it

Today I had an appointment with the diabetic clinic.

I was expecting to get told off for not managing to keep my blood sugar level down, I was dreading being told that I would have to take insulin. I have a phobia of needles. Over the years I have got used to having needles stuck into me for injections or blood tests but  I am unable to stick them in to myself. I have learnt that I cannot even do a finger prick test on myself. I have no problem with someone else doing it. Oh ok maybe that isn’t quite true, I do still get nervous and dread the moment but if I am not looking it’s bearable.

I can play with the pen like needle no problem but as soon as I put it against my finger I suddenly lose the ability to press the button. I get myself so worked up that my blood pressure shoots up and I feel unwell.

So when the diabetic nurse told me that they don’t feel insulin would be right for me I breathed a big sigh of relief. A relief that was short lived. Next she told me that they want me to use a different type of medication, something I had never heard of before.

I am to take Bydureon, which will be administered by weekly injection. My new regime begins in a week when I have a half hour appointment to go through it all with the nurse. I can’t say that I am happy about this but I figure that one injection weekly is better than I had expected. There is no way that I will be able to do this myself  though.  I walked out of that room feeling a little glum but otherwise ok.

This didn’t last though as by the time I reached my car I was beginning to feel unwell, nausea was beginning to set in. I couldn’t think why I was feeling poorly all of a sudden until it occurred to me that it was possibly shock setting in. Driving to work I noticed a sharp pain in the top of my head. Arriving at the office I was almost (but not quite) in tears. It turns out that several of my colleagues are practised in giving injections of this nature so I have been assured that I will be looked after.

This evening I was discussing this with Owl and he has said that he will be happy to do this for me. It was when he said ‘you would do the same for me’ that I started thinking about this. It may seem selfish but no I couldn’t do that. I know that the answer should be yes I would but I know without the slightest doubt that there is no way I could stick a needle into anyone else any more than I could do it to myself.

I know that if it was imperative to give someone I love an injection, I should be able to do so. I should be able to do this because I love them. Why can I not do this if I love them?

Is there anything you wouldn’t be able to do even for someone you love?

Do you find yourself in a situation where you have to do something, that you find difficult, to help a loved one?

 

update

I have now had 4 of these injections, the first administered by the practice nurse, the following two weeks I was helped by colleagues but with the holiday period being here I had to accept that my husband would do this for me this week. Out of the four injections so far the only one that has hurt was the one given by the nurse. They do sting afterwards but don’t hurt at the time, even so I still find myself getting stressed before the injection. I am sure in time it will get easier.